I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
