No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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