you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize