two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
