Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
