my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
