Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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