Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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