Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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