Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
