Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm getting married
To pizza
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
