Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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