we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
