Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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