The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
