Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
