A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
