You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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