Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
