yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
