I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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