Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
