I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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