people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
