so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
