hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
