i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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