Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
