yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
