so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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