goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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