Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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