I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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