How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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