The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
