got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
