his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
