whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
