He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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