this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
