He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
