A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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