you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
