Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
