I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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