Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
