just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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