Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize