Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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