The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
