The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize