I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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