you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
