I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
