Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
