He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
