why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
