Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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