mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize