um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
