i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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