I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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