Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
