Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
