Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
