so that wasnt chicken after all
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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