So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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