you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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