So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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