He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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