I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
