I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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