just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
