Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
