I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
