Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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