I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
