i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
