you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
