so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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