I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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