remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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