Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
