Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
