I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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