K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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