I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
