the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
