I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
